Milkmama's Weblog

Quick Update

milkmama — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 02:58:43 +0000

I left my husband things are so difficult but I know they are going to get better. My God there are only a few more things that can go wrong and if they do I think I’ll lose it.

Hopefully I’ll feel more comfortable writing again. After Brooke I”m not sure I want to blog much. No need for anyone to make my life more difficult. I have enough problems.

This got a bit lost in the mix…

milkmama — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 18:41:11 +0000

This a copy of the post before my last one. It some how has gotten lost in the mix so I’m reposting it so others can understand why I think you should be careful when talking to Brooke (Joni…who ever)

For those of you who read here and have coments from this person, beware, this is the letter I got from her in my mail box today. I’ll probably write another blog with all the emaisl so it will make more sense but I figured I would put this one out to warn some of you now. Brooke’s writing is black mine is red.

Justine,

Well,…I guess I’ll just say this. It’s been quite “a ride”; although, I can tell we are years apart in our thinking. Unfortunately, sometimes in life, people and personalities clash, and, I believe, that’s where we stand. I was very careful about not offending you; however, maybe you need a little bit of reality, now. Let me tell you about yourself. If anyone’s writings are difficult to understand, it would be yours. Maybe, perhaps your lack of education makes it hard for you to keep up with what I’m trying to say. That, coupled with your extremely closed-mindedness, mixes a concoction of confusion for you. Doesn’t it? Also, you’re very young, too, and that makes for unwise parenting.

You see, if anyone is a bad parent, it certainly isn’t someone who hasn’t or doesn’t breastfeed. That being said, if you’re so afraid of your children getting sick because they might be around a sick, formula-fed baby, you may want to get them, uh,…vaccinated. You’re taking a huge risk there, not protecting them from illnesses that are indeed deadly. Wow, now that’s a terrible parent! Um,…also, I think, knowing that you have an illness that, not only causes one to live a horrible existence, but a disease that’s deadly, and getting pregnant, with the knowledge of passing it onto your unborn baby, is a bad parent. Yes, you have a 50% chance of passing that disease onto your offspring, and your were going to take that risk, yet again. Shame on you! I read all about this disease, and it’s a horrible thing to have, but to KNOWINGLY pass this on, this suffering on to an innocent, you must be crazy, absolutely crazy! When I told my husband about you, he couldn’t believe that you would have, not only one child, but two, AND want a third, on top of that! Well, maybe this just your ignorance seeping through because a person with a normal intelligence wouldn’t do something like this. Gosh, what is your IQ, your intelligent quotient?

Anyhow, speaking of husbands, I can see, and understand why your husband calls you those names. You are SO abrasive, and say the meanest things, even though you probably aren’t even aware of this. Hey, the heat in my kitchen got really hot! Oh, you may not understand that analogy, but, oh well. If you had anything going for you, like being pretty, or smart, or nice, kind, generous, or having a nice personality, etc., you might have the ability to make a person feel bad about themselves with the things you say, but, thankfully, you don’t. You have nothing, and I wonder, with that know-it-all personality of yours, if you have ANY friends, at all! You said some pretty mean things to me, and I can only guess why, but you “ain’t got nothin’ on me, babe.” Is it because I’m thin, with long, blond hair, and full, pouty lips? I mean, are you jealous of me? Most women have me judged before they even meet me, just based on my appearance. Yeah, they think that just because I look the way I do, I MUST be a snob, but, I’m not. You, on the other hand, are just a young, ugly, stupid little girl who should have never had any kids in the first place! Oh, yeah, your kids are going to be just like you, too, ugly, mean, snotty, stupid, and pregnant, just after they reach puberty. Oh, I’m curious, do you really think that you’re the only mama that waves, blows kisses, snaps pictures, and plays games with your kids? Honey, you’re not.

Jeez, you didn’t invent the concept of positive parenting. Almost every parent tries to be the best they can be. Where do you live, Hicksville? All of my friends and I do this stuff, AND more. I can’t tell you how many books I’ve read on parenting. Oh, by the way, I’m talking about books for adults to read, such as: What To Expect The First Year. I’m not referring to Barney, and Sesame Street books, sorry. I went to parenting classes, several times, and his father and I had a very specific plan on raising our children, before our son was ever conceived. We have NEVER laid a hand on him. He was NEVER in a playpen (jail) because I refused this. I announced to everyone that if they were coming to my baby shower, and they were bringing a gift, playpens were not something that would be usable to us. Hey, dear, the list goes on, and on, and…At any rate, what makes you think you’re such an expert on conceiving, and who do you think you are to gossip about people that you don’t even know? I know what kind of person you are. You’re rude, and rotten!

Let’s talk about evil, Evil Clomid for a minute. How do you begin to gossip about her, a nice person trying to “do her thing”? She doesn’t even bother anyone, so why the hatred towards her? Your just jealous of her, I know it. Your jealous because she’s cute, has an adorable personality, is very educated and intelligent, and gets more hits on her blog than you do. She’s sweet, funny, and has a wonderful personality. Have you ever thought about “putting yourself in her shoes?” You know, she doesn’t really even mean the things that she says about pregnant women. It’s part of her sense of humor, if you really get to know her. Gossiping about people only shows your age, and it shows a desperate lack of respect. I find it despicable, and you need to grow up, and behave like a mature woman with children, rather than a high school girl.

There’s another thing I want to discuss. I had a wonderful repore with my writing professor in college. I was a Dean’s-list student because my grades were that good. So, with that, I will tell you this: you’re full of it when you say my writings are “hard to follow.” You see, I know better than that. We had to write tons of papers, on subjects that WE students picked, and I received “A”s on almost every paper; although, my final grades were always “A”s. So, I know better, honey. I was taught, by a professor with a doctorate in writing, how to write a paper, properly. Another thing, you’re the ONLY one who has ever said anything about my writing, and, any insults coming from you dear, are just…funny because you don’t have much going on “upstairs.” Hey, how does this feel? I want to know. How does it feel to judged, and so harshly, too? I don’t want any further contact with you. You’re such an ugly person on the inside, it shows. I’m so sorry I ever contacted you, and I’m so happy that I don’t have to ever see your face, again. Oh, and quit with the maiden name stuff because I have no idea what you’re talking about. You think you’re so smart, but you’re not.

Brooke, the big b!*#h, now…

Brooke, Joni (what ever your REAL name is)

Hey how ’bout that you wrote a letter that made sense and didn’t go off topic. I guess it takes a pissed blonde bimbo to write something worth reading.

Your opinion of me doesn’t matter but calling my children ugly was wrong. The last four words of your email describe you PERFECTLY!!!

P.S. You apparently have reading comprehension difficulties too.

The whole story….

milkmama — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:53:31 +0000

Her writing is in black mine is purple. I tried to seperate and use chornological order as best I could.

Greetings,

Wow, I can’t believe what I’ve just read. I’m new to commenting, and I’ve only been posting a few blogs, about four, regarding TTC because…well, let just say that we have an ENORMOUS amount in common, so much that it’s crazy. I only came to this address on a hunch. because I have read some of the comments you have left on other blogs, I wanted to read your situation, and how you relate to “stuff.”

Well, I’m going to post this, but I would like to communicate much more with you. Your “comment box” is different, and I don’t want to write anymore, and just have it “deleted” because I’m ignorant to this format. So, with that, I’m going to go, but I will, most likely, be back. I just want to say that reading the few entries of your blog made me feel NORMAL. I’m going through A LOT of crap right now, and I’m feeling all alone “to boot”. Thanks for sharing…

Brooke

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okay, testing, testing…LOL…it worked, but my avatar isn’t there. Hmmm,…I wonder why….Is it because it’s going through moderation? I guess I’ll find out…I wish I had more time to research your blog in its entirity, (sp?) but maybe when I’m finished with my chores, I can come back to it.

Brooke, again…

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Brooke- I hope for your sake that we do not have some things in common, as I do not wish my troubles on anyone else. We aren’t TTC anymore : ( As much as I want another child, I thought long and hard and decided that it would be better if I waited. I’m trying to keep myself content with the two I have. I know I’m lucky because of them. I did email mail you. I’m sorry that my comment box seems odd to you. I’m pretty new to word press and couldn’t find a very helpful FAQ so I basically winged everything.

============

I really like that you enjoy your children, and that you engage in pretend time with them. The celebration of the birthday thing was something I would have done; although, my son, my only child thus far, the absolute love of my life, is older, and we, quite obviously, don’t do stuff like that, anymore. He’s too old for that stuff, but not because I SAY SO, it’s because “it’s just not cool, anymore.” You know, stuff like that, but, I must say, and maybe even “toot my own horn”, I was THAT KIND OF PARENT, and I’m glad, grateful, and regretless for this. I was, and am a good mother. I was a good mommy when it was appropriate for him to call me that, but those days are gone. I’m sad about it because people always told me, “the years go by so fast, enjoy him,” and even though, of course, I DID thoroughly enjoy him, I mean, to the fullest, and I appreciated every second of our time together, I NEVER, in my wildest dreams thought there would be a day that…*sigh* I’m sure you get the picture, and I’m certain you’re wondering why the long post, too.

I guess I just wanted to express that I love a lot of your mothering skills, from what I read, but there’s one thing I noticed about young mothers. My sister, my older sister was my teacher, unwittingly, when it came to raising children. In short, she allowed things that I thought were good, right, and decent, but there were others that I knew wrong just WRONG-O. My niece-by-law has this same “attribute”, and I absolutely HATE it. Okay, well, first, let me explain. My sister’s kids are ALL grown, and my great nieces, the daughters of my niece-by-law are still little, five, and two. Now that I have that established, I’ll explain the plight. You see, my sister always wanted her kids to SPEAK UP for themselves, something we all want our children to do. Right? We don’t want them to get “backed into a corner” with no “fighting” skills. Well, in doing this, raising her kids, especially her girls, two boys, two girls, by the way, she (sis) got confused, and let her kids SMART OFF to anyone, and everyone. It was dispicable, to say the least! I would try, and talk to sis regarding this dilemna. She always had the same explaination, “I want my kids to stand up for themselves!” I understand, but, “Sis, you’re getting ’standing up for yourself’ and letting your kids get cocky with adults confused.” I also expressed, “Noone likes a snotty kid, PERIOD!” Well, in a nutshell, now that they’re grown, they, the kids themselves, wonder why “mom” let them speak this way to adults. They are ashamed of how they got to behave as children; moreover, they have low self-esteems because of this. You see, everyone remembers them as “the bratty, little kids,” and they know about this because the people who knew them as children, tell them that is how they still think of them. There was a reason I told you this story; however, I’m unsure if I can explain it, or if I understand the reason myself. Anyway, I hope it was useful, as well as entertaining.

Keep Up The Good Work,
Brooke

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Hi Justine, (To cut to the chase…LOL…see paragraph three, #3, and beyond…)

I, again, must do this very quickly, and I’m SO sorry for this. I know it doesn’t make people feel good to think that they’re not worthy of a strong, thoughtful, and truthful “letter”, BUT THAT’S NOT THE CASE, HERE. I promise. I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you, and that I would like a sincere Cyber friendship because we do have a lot in common. I hope what I wrote was received well. I never know how fragile people are, and my intentions are NEVER to hurt anyone, in anyway.

Anyway, again, I’m sorry this is going to be a fast jot, but, like my Subject says, and how it really goes is: are you running, walking, standing, or sitting? It’s a little “funny” we busy parents use when we call eachother, like a greeting, instead of saying, “hello?” I bet you are a very busy mother, especially because you seem to have enveloped yourself in motherhood, which I dearly appreciate. We need all the great mothers we can get!

Okay, I’ll just write one quick paragraph of some of the similar things we have. I, too, am in a loveless marriage, and not only that, I want another baby. Because I have a chronic illness, diagnosed when I was an early adolescent, I couldn’t have another one right away, like I WANTED TO, like I had planned because I had to have some EXTENSIVE surgeries. So, for a couple of years, I have been taking good care of myself, and monitoring my body, listening to what goes on with it. Because my surgeries were abdominal, I feared scar tissue, and other problems interfering with my pregnancy, and all that goes with it. My first (pregnancy) was unremarkable, no problems. Well, I always had my “annuals” done by my family doctor, but, this year, I decided to see a regular OB/GYN for these, AND to discuss future pregnancies. So, I go through all of these tests, and nothing seems amiss, everything, thank GOD, is okay. So, I’m ALL ready to start trying to conceive (TTC) in the fall, but, knowing that my marriage is in trouble, I decide to hold off for a bit. Meanwhile, motherhood is calling again, and this time, she’s REALLY loud. It was VERY loud the first time, too, and I got pregnant within three cycles. Because I’m also a hypochondriac, I thought that this was a long time, and that I SHOULD’VE gotten pregnant much sooner. By the way, I’m NOT bragging about getting pregnant that soon, but…

Okay, this is going on to another paragraph, and I hope your not bored. I’m trying to do this as fast as I can, so, please, excuse any errors. Umm,…I decide to “surf the net” regarding pregnancy, and that’s how I found “the” sites. Justine, I NEVER knew people had so much trouble getting pregnant! I feel SO bad for these people. It just doesn’t seem fair,…and, now, I’m afraid to tell people how easy it was for me to get pregnant because they may think that I’m bragging…UGH! I’m NOT! I’m sad for these people, as I don’t understand why they can’t get pregnant. I guess we’re just very, very blessed, and I, now, thank my GOD every day for getting the chance to be a part of one of the most miraculous gifts, EVER! Okay, to sum things up, I’ll just tell you that when November came around, THE month I was to get pregnant, I decided…NO WAY…(sniff, sniff) because I couldn’t do that to an innocent baby. I couldn’t bring a baby into an unhappy home, and I’m SO glad that I didn’t get pregnant because it…it just wasn’t right…On the bright side though, I have another plan in the works, but more on that later…

Hugs,

Brooke

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Hi Brooke,

I do feel for those that have trouble TTC. I only tried for two months when I decided I should quit. It really broke my heart when Rob would say things like. “And YOU want another one” when the girls were acting up and what not. I really feel alot better that we aren’t trying. It was so stressful and really dissapointing when I didn’t get pregnant the month I wanted to.

I hope that your next plan to TTC doesn’t fall through.

I’m sorry too that I don’t have time for more thorough reply but the kids are calling.

Justine

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Hi Justine!

Well, first of all, if you noticed, there’s an attachment, and it’s the “bigger picture” of my “avatar”. I don’t know how it will be received by you, and your e-mail account. You see, I’m not YET technologically advanced as I would like to be. UGH! This poses a HUGE problem, as I’m going back to work this year, and I’m not as computer literate as the rest of my “competition”, or, at least, I don’t think I am. Well, about the attachment, I hope it gets to you in the way I want. I know it’s a little skimpy, but it’s the only picture I have on file until I get my digital camera working. Please, let me know, ASAP, if you got it. Okay? I worry about that stuff. I always want everything to be perfect, and I get so hung up on the idea of perfection, it drives me insane! I’m going to drop this subject, for now. UGH!

Hmmm….Anyhow, I’m going to allow myself about 15 minutes to write this letter. I know, it’s an insufficient amount of time for writing an e-mail, but I have some laundry to finish, and then, I’m going to spend time with my son. We’re going to watch some Saturday night television. Well,…like my Subject says, I really do have some questions for you, but only answer if you feel comfortable with them.

My first question is: are you Canadian? I’ve been wanting to know if you’re from Canada, too, just like the rest of the WordPress people. Are you? If not, where do you live? You don’t have to give me exact information, but if you live in the U.S., where? My second question is: what did you mean in your post when you said, ‘it’s just a waiting game’? I worry about this. I’m a hypochondriac, but I’m always afraid for others, too. Are you okay? How about your girls? Can you live normal lives? Did they get it because your husband is a carrier, also? I don’t know much about this illness, but I’m scared for you, especially because you’re so young, and you have such young children. My third and final question for the evening, or until we ‘speak”, again is: Do you and your husband get along well enough for you to stay together? If so, are you happy about that? I know that you’re in a loveless partnership, so that CAN’T be good. I don’t think people in that situation, I included, can EVER be happy.

Well, I hope I hear from you soon. I hope to learn more about you because you seem like a really great girl. You’re strong, tough, and, most of all, very wise, and smart. I hope, too, that my picture gets to you “in one piece”…LOL…I know it’s skimpy, but, hey, it’s not pornography, and we’re both young woman. It’s a few years old, and I look a little different, of course. For some reason, noone likes this picture of me. They think I look better in real life, and nothing like this picture. Oh, well, I think it’s serene because of the beach, and the water.

Peace,

Brooke

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Hi Brooke,

I’m so not a perfectionist, I procrastinate like no one else I know. So i can’t really help you in that aspect. Some things I do like to be in order but for the most part I like what ever works.

I’m not canadian, I live in a small town in —————-

The “waiting game” was refering to the kidney disease the girls and I have (It’s called Polycystic Kidney disease…if you want to google it) there isn’t anything they can do to stop it we just have to wait until their kidneys fail, because the insurance won’t pay for the transplant until then. My kidney’s failed at age 11 and they expect the girls to fail around the same time. We are all okay, I’m on matience meds and my oldest Lilly gets her blood pressure meds upped almost every time we go to the doctor. Kennedy who I am still nursing has been on the same dose since she started. I believe its because I am still breast feeing her. A couple of months after I stopped with Lilly she went down hill rather quickly.

All in all we are okay, right now I just have to watch certain things with the girls for example; Lilly (she is clumsy and always falls) had blood in her urine. I took her to the hospital and they decided that she must of had a slight trauma to her kidney (her kidneys are extremely large and can be felt very easily by touching her belly) and that is what caused the blood. She never complained of pain or anthing thats what made it so strange.

The “is my husband a carrier” question has a long answer so I will try to give you the abridged version. At first I was diagnosed with the recessive form of the kidney disease. It is rare and I was told if I could even get pregnant that it wouldn’t be passed to my children. Well at 18 I got pregnant and at my 20 week ultra sound there were cyst on the baby’s kidneys. I was assured this was normal and baby’s have these all the time. They were wrong and when Lilly was 7 months old I found out I was preggo with #2. Anyways I had genetic testing done for the recessive form of the disease and it came back negative. I will be getting more testing done soon for the dominent form but I expect it to come back positive. What makes all that strange is the dominent form doesn’t usually hit people until they are in their 30′s or 40′s and the recessive form usually has your kidneys fail in childhood.

Rob and I get along okay for a day or two and then we start going at each other. He used to push me and hit me. He rarely left marks but I’m not the type to put up with that stuff. He hasn’t done that in a while. I think its because he has been on his meds for a few months straight and it has chilled him out some. Now he just calls me names his fav’s are worthless cunt and stupid bitch. I want to leave so bad but I’ve never been out on my own. And its not being alone that I’m scared of its the money part. I want to raise my children I don’t want them to be in daycare. But then again I don’t want to go on welfare. I can’t win. Sometimes I feel like finding another man to take care of me is the answer but I know that if I want a truly happy relationship with someone I need to take my time and and someone worth my time. But when I think of that I think of how I couldn’t allow some flavor of the week guy to be around my kids and that poses the when do the kids get to meet this guy how will I know its serious. And then you can never trust anyone with the most precious thing in the world.

Sorry for the rambling in the above paragraph. In short 40% of the time we get along or at least tolerate each other well enough and the rest of the time we can’t stand to look at one another. I’m not happy. I want out but, I want my kids to have stablitity.

I saw that picture in your avatar I thought it was a pic of a super model : ) I wish I was drop dead gorgeous like you.

Well my computer time is clicking (aka Rob he lets me know every few mins how long I have been on the comp)

Justine
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Hi Justine, (Please, excuse any errors…)

Wow, um,…well, first I want to comment on your “50 ways to leave your lover.” Do you know that song, “there must be 50 ways to leave your lover: you just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan, you don’t need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me…, hop on the bus, Gus…, you don’t need to discuss…? Anyway, I way understand you! I’m totally in the same boat, except we’ve decided to go our separate ways, but NOT SOON. I HAVE to get my feet on the ground, first, and THAT entails getting a full-time jobby-job. Yes, I have to do this, and I have been applying for full-time positions for a few months, now. Last year, actually, last January to be exact, I was offered TWO jobs, in the field in which I’m trained, but I got scared…So, I bailed. I turned them down, and now, I could kick myself; however, I believe in Karma, which is sorta my religion because I know my GOD takes care of everything, and maybe my GOD knew this, that I really wasn’t ready, nor was my family. Ever since then, since last January, I still had some hope for my marriage, and I stopped looking for a job. You see though, I AM educated, to a point, and I have worked professional positions, but I’ve been a stay-at-home mommy for a SO long, and I’m scared, even though I know my skills are PRETTY much up to par. I mean, everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes, and I think employers certainly understand this, but, yeah, I totally know how you feel. I’m giving myself upto two years to get “myself together,” if you know what I mean. I NEED that much time. It’s NOT an easy process to get a career going, get money saved, get my own place, etc., etc., and I know my husband isn’t going to rush me out the door, uh, no… We’ve already discussed all of this. Like I said already, I’ve been sending out my resume for the past few months, but I have yet to receive a serious response. I, too, would love to find a guy, an opulent gentleman, (a rich guy) and totally have that happen, BUT I can make my own money, and I feel that it’s time for me to go back to work, anyway. Justine, it’s been years, so I have to because if I wait any longer, I’ll have to take some MORE classes just to keep up with my competitors. I’ve spent so much time taking college classes, etc., not to mention so much cash spent for the costs, and expenses for the courses I took. I’m not really even looking for a man, and that’s NOT the reason that we’re splitting, we just don’t belong together. At any rate, next month, if I don’t receive any job offers, I’m going to a temporary service. I’ve worked for them in the past, and, I must say, they’ve served my VERY WELL. I obtained TOTALLY professional jobs, and there are options to become permanent. I’m sure you know of them. You being so young, and having children so young, you probably didn’t get a chance to get any higher education. Did you? Wait, did I read on you blog that you’re going to school, right now? Justine, I’m sure things will work out for you because you are strong, and determined. Will you work, if you split? Having two small children, work poses MANY problems. It MAY solve a monetary fix, but…I, too, NEVER wanted to work while raising my children, and luckily, I really didn’t have to do this, thank GOD! I don’t see why women have children, the most precious gift of ALL, and then go to work, and put them in daycare! UGH! (I) don’t get this. Why, why, why would someone do this? By the way, I’m just stating my opinion. I really don’t want to judge ANYONE because I am noone to judge. Maybe these people need the money to support their kids because they have a mulitracial family, and they want to adopt more (children). Who knows? I’m just thinking of a scenerio that would make working necessary for a woman who has small children.

Justine, I’m so sad for your babies, and you. I know you don’t want pity, and I DO know what illness is all about, as I, myself, have something quite YUCKY, too. I won’t divulge information regarding this because it was and is very traumatic for me to think about, or discuss. I don’t want to dig up memories, or even just talk….Anyway, I WILL google it, your illness, as I am interested in it, and, even though I do have more questions about it, I’m afraid to ask you. I’ll just find out for myself.

Justine, I must go for now because I have some shopping and other chores to do. UGH! I’m taking a break from the computer, for the rest of the day, so that we can have some FUN! Oh, I want to thank you for the compliment on my picture. Did you really think that my “avatar” wasn’t me? I know that an “avatar” isn’t necessarily a photo. I know that it can be a cartoon, or an image you find that suits your personality. Did you really think that it was just an image I chose, or did you know that it was a thumbnail picture of me? I don’t think it’s that great, nor does my family. Justine, you’re very pretty, too, from what I can see, and you seem like a natural pretty, a small-town girl pretty, if that makes sense. I love your blue eyes. They REALLY “pop!” Do your girls have blue eyes, too? I can’t really tell. I must read your next letter, and then I have to leave, but I will “touch base” with you tomorrow, while “the boy” is at school.

Hugs,

Brooke

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Hi Brooke,

I have never heard the song 50 ways to leave your lover. I’ll have to google that.

I’m not anti-getting a job, I worked from the day I turned 16 until 4-5 months preggo with Lilly. I just want to be there for my girls. I want to be the crazy mom on the soccer field who cheers to loud and gets to excited. I want my girls to be embarassed because one day they will look back and be glad I was there.

Your right in the fact I don’t have an education. I took a vocational class in highschool and got my license for a CNA but only used it while I was preggo with Lilly and never kept up with my certification. I got pregnant when I was in collage I wasn’t even there a month when I found out. I don’t talk about it much (mainly because I’m older and realize I was never smart enough to begin with) but I wanted to be a doctor. And not only does my parenthesis explain but I lacked dedication and didn’t want to be away from home. So I did horribly in school even though I could have done better.

I’m not going to school anymore. I did go again and did well but got pregnant with Kennedy right before I started. She was a high needs baby and I don’t think I would be able to do homework, house work, school, and deal with Rob.

I would always get these ideas to make money but they never seemed to work out for me. For example I had an online business doing photo stuff (like my signature at the end of my email) I made 3 sales in a year and half. Two were from people my mom refered to me. I sew too and would buy something to make and sell but then would never get the time to make it.

I’m sorry that I assumed your picture wasn’t real. I guess its my condtioning from myspace. If you see a hot guy or girl with a really good professional picture then you can almost guarantee they aren’t a real person. You are drop dead georgous.

So what types of jobs are you applying for? I’m sorry to hear that your illness is so upsetting I won’t ask anything about but if you ever want to talk about it I’m here.

It really does NOT bother me if you ask questions about me or the girls illness. I finished my stages of grief and I have accepted it. I can’t change it. I do get teary eyed thinking about one of them going thru surgery. But none of that is in the near future so I’ll just cross that bridge when I get to it.

Lol my eyes are green, although I might have photo-shopped them too much and now they look blue. And my girls have brown eyes like their dad. Thats about the only thing they got from him.

Sorry to cut this short I need to go to bed. I’ll talk to you soon. Its nice to get real emails.

Justine

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Hi!

Well, first, I want to thank you for the nice compliment; although, my son says it’s an ugly picture, and the only reason it looks any good is because it looks “professional.” It is not. I live on Lake Erie, and the summers here are beautiful. As soon as I get my camera working, well, working so that I can understand it, I’ll send you some more pictures of myself, and my family. Jeez, I wonder how many other people think that’s not really me? Actually, “Evil Clomid” explained to me how to do that because I asked her. I said, “Erin, I would like to put my picture up so that there’s a face to my writings. Could you please explain how to do an “avatar?” I guess when the word “avatar” is used, people think it’s a picture based upon your personality, but, she did, she explained it to me, and I’m assuming that she knew it was me just by the question, “how do I put my face to my writings?” I hope she knows it’s me. Oh, well, I look different on a daily basis, depending on how I wear my hair, clothing, makeup, etc., but appearance has a time, and place, if you know what I mean. I think a woman should ALWAYS look her best, and always be the sexiest she can be, but ONLY for herself. You see, I have a unique style, but it’s “all over the place,” as I purchase whatever I think is sexy. It’s sexy even when a woman shows self-confidence. Let me just say this, before I go onto a different subject, people definitely feel my presence. I’m NOT conceited in anyway, so, PLEASE, don’t think that. I just take very good care of myself, and it shows. Anyway, (let’s get) on to a different subject. This one is getting distorted, to a fault…

Oh, $h*t, I just noticed the time. UGH! I’m always a day late, and a dollar short, I swear. The husband will be home soon, he’s a second-shoft worker, and I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, so I must get ready for bed early tonight…BOO…Umm, I definitely want to talk more, IF that’s an option for you, and I will tell you my hopes for a job/career, and tell you about my new plans for parenthood. I know that I being a single parent probably has you REALLY wondering…”How is she going to do that if…” Am I right? Well, I’ll explain, later. It won’t be until I get my feet on the ground, you know, but I WILL do this. I’ve already looked into it. Hey, maybe I already told you this idea? Hmmm,….did I? Well, dear heart, I will “talk” with you later, but update your post when you have a minute! I think you should change the topic, obviously, to something about childrearing, and how YOU do things, and WHY you do the things you do with your children, like when you told me that you wanted to be the loudest mother cheering on the soccor field. People like to hear about that stuff. I know I do. (We will) talk tomorrow? (I) hope so…

Hugs,

Brooke

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Blog is updated although you may have got more than your barained for…lol

I’m not a prissy girl (not that its a bad thing so no offense) I rarely wear make-up. I figure if someone mainly a man doesn’t think I beautiful with out it then its best he see’s me with out it from the beginng. I do wear make-up on special occasions first dates and such. But I couldn’t find time for it if i tried to do it on a daily basis.

You didn’t tell me what your parenting plans were. Although you could do what my half-sister did and just find a random guy to get you pregnant.

Evil Clomid; I felt really bad for her at first but I see trends in why she is having trouble getting pregnant. She doesn’t have sex as often as she needs to and she doesn’t temp in the beginng of her cycle. The later would be fine if she had a very clear ovulation but she doesn’t so she really isn’t increasing her chances of concieving. I also didn’t appreciate her comment of not liking any pregnant woman because she can’t get pregnant. I’m sure alot of those women struggled to get to where they are and not everyone just gets pregnant the first try. She also thinks she pregnant every cycle. She is at times concieted about it. I find that if I say thing or act concieted I get screwed some how. For example when Lilly was a baby we lived in an apartment and our neighbor had a baby a month after we did and their baby cried all the time and I was convinced THEY were doing something wrong because my baby was so good. Then I had Kennedy and she cried all the time and didn’t sleep thru the night until she was 8 months old. Needless to say I learned my lesson.

So what is wrong with your digi cam? And you never told me your son’s name or his age? One more ? when I get mail from you it says Joni Brooks, is your real name Joni?

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Lets make this clear. I never once called YOU prissy. I said “I’M NOT PRISSY” I also never said that your grammar, sentence structure or spelling was awry. Only that I DO NOT REQUIRE perfection. If you are worried about good writing skill perhaps I could give you something to improve on. Everything you write goes off topic, becomes confusing, and hard to follow.

What I meant by little things is: You seem to worry immensly about perfect writing skills. When there are many more things to worry about; for example your son (PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THAT WRONG I AM NOT SAYING YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER IN ANY WAY JUST USING THAT AS AN EXAMPLE), your marriage, your life in general.

As for changing your name in your email, I have not been able to do it as I have tried to change it to my married name. I again don’t see the big deal. For those that know me know that is my maiden name and already know my married name. The only way to fix the problem is to get another email account.

I wish I had a few more minutes to finish this letter but my daughters are waking up my husband and I need to stop them.

IN A NUTSHELL. I’M NOT OFFENDED AND WE CAN CONTINUE SPEAKING GIRL TALK ONLY IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.

Those were all the emails except for the final two that I posted in the previous blog now I will post all of the comments which you can go to actual blog to read but I figured it would be easier if I just posted them here.

Hi Brooke : )

I re-read my post and I think I realize why you told me that story. I did make my two year sound like she smarted-off often. I always try to instill respect for elders in her by making her apologize for things she says and does even if she doesn’t understand why. We do time-out and after her punishment is over I remind her why she was put in the corner in the first place.

With all that said as a child I felt too restricted so as a teenager I rebelled. So with that reasoning I let my children have as much freedom as I can let them have. For example; play pens were used only for sleeping not to cage my kids, Gates are used sparingly, all the safe cabinets are not child proofed so that the kids can explore and make messes if they want. I try to give them choices when possible and please them reasonably. But then there are times when mommy can’t please and the gates go up. I hope that by letting them have freedom most of the time that they will understand the times when they can’t get what they want.

I saw your post on EvilClomid. I think tattoos in the most part are dumb. Although if I would have gotten one a couple years ago if I had the money or some encouragement. But I am SO GLAD that I didn’t. I do find an incredible exception and that is your childrens names or someone dear to you who has passed. I feel that tattoo’s like that would never be regretted. With that said I’m glad to be tattoo free. Because if I had gotten one it probably would have been a tramp stamp.

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I’m SO SORRY this has to be quick because I would SO love to communicate with you more, but I have to spend time with the love of my life, my son. Yes, it’s Friday, and weekends are especially fun for us. Anyway, I swear, the more I read about your parenting skills and other “traits”, the more I notice how much we have in common. OMGosh, I can’t believe this. I mean, the “playpen thing,” and the freedoms that we want our children to have are so similar. I’m sorry that I’m keyboarding this so fast, as I really want to express way more. Another thing, I would like to, actually, e-mail you because I would like to talk in private, and not have the “whole world” know what…, well what’s what. (Do you) know what I mean? We have that in common, as well, the parenthesis (sp?) thing, I think. I thought I had read one of your posts, and used those for the same reason I do, to ensure that the reader knows you’re making a complete sentence, and not just the particle of a sentence. I know this is just a blog, and not a writing contest, but I take pride in doing things as properly as I can. I think I’m too obsessive, though because I’m that way about most things…LOL…

MM, you know, I know that you are a young mother, very young, and I’m SO impressed with how knowledgeable you are!! Also, I’m aware of the illness you and your girls have, and I know you don’t like to talk about it. Well, there’s YET ANOTHER thing we have in common, but back to the illness in your kidneys. I just want you to know that I’m stunned, shocked, SO sad about this, and I think that you’re very, very strong, but more on this subject, later. I really have to e-mail you,…um,…but how? I’m sure I can figure it out. Right? I mean, I’m “down here”, you know, down in the comment box where I can’t see much, but you must have an address. Ah huh,…I remember, you said that you wrote to me, via e-mail. That means that I can “REPLY!” Okay, (the) problem (is) solved…LOL…Okay, one last thing before I “let you go”, I just want to say that I really hope that you’re not offended by that comment left, yesterday. I, I don’t know what to say about why I wrote it. Hey, I’m at a loss for words. Amazing! Well, I want to definitely talk with you more, if you want. I don’t want to be a cyberstalker…LOL…I want to share much more, as well as learn about you, better. I hope that’s a possibility…

Peace,
Brooke

Oh, (I want to write) somthing about tattoos. I DO agree with you about “inking” a personal, meaningful message, picture, name, etc. I have thought about doing that, and IF if ever did get one, it would be something like my son’s name, with a saying that I absolutely love. I actually have it in gold, like a charm, the “saying” I would like tattooed; HOWEVER, it would be in a hiding spot. I know, it sounds weird, but I thought of having one done on the back of my neck, or on my low, low, back. My son, who has ALWAYS had an excellent sense of humor, wants one. Yep, and I told him that he could, but he that he HAS to think about it for at least a month! Unfortunately, I can’t express how I feel about this, so all I’ll say is: MUCH, MUCH passion in the idea of my son having a tattoo…Anyway, he wants to put…well, I’ll tell you in an e-mail, but not because it’s perverted, but because it’s his thing, and I respect his privacy, even though I know it’s not original. His idea has been done before, I believe. Actually, I sure it has been…Oh, jeez, (I wrote) another book…

Peace,
Brooke

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Brooke- I’m not easily offended, and I didn’t think your post was at all so. I don’t mind talking about mine or my daughters disease, I just don’t want to be one of those people who drags on about it and solicits pitty. Besides right now they are fine just on a few meds its just a waiting gam

thought your son was 7 or 8 are you really going to get him a tattoo

———–

My son is entertaining the idea of getting a tattoo, right now. So, I figure, when “the” time rolls around, he will forget all about wanting one, and if he doesn’t, my son and I will talk about it then. (I’m) sorry for the incorrect formatt of this leter, but, like I said, I’m such a perfectionist, and I try to do things the right way. Uh,…being in a hurry doesn’t help when trying to write something sincere. Oh, in regards to my e-mail, I will write you more stuff when I have a good long moment, all to myself…

Peace,
Brooke

MM, (Thank you, and I LOVE it!)

I think ANY type of interaction with your children is a bonding issue, and that’s what makes WONDERFUL relationships, later in lifetime. I love your parenting style, and I love that YOU love your “job.” The better the relationship with your children when they’re young, the better it will be when they’re older. So, that being said, when children start adolescence, (sp?), they will be less likely to rebell because of this. I’ve witnessed kids, whose parents had LITTLE to do with them growing up, turn into junkies; however, I’ve also witnessed hands-on parenting, parents who had EVERYTHING to do with their children’s upbringing, and they grew into good, productive, and honest people, making an honest living. ANOTHER thing I love is that you are using your breasts for the EXACT purpose for which they were made. I LOVE that you love it, breastfeeding, and that you DON’T consider it a chore, like most women do! When I read, in one of your posts, that you wanted to be “a bicycle built for two”, so to speak, I thought that it was way cool, and a great aspiration! In other words, you wanted to breastfeed both babies, at one time, even though it didn’t “go” as planned. That is correct, isn’t it? I have questions/comments about some of the other things mentioned, but I have to get “the boy” up, and ready for the day. We’ll talk later…Thanks for sharing, as I’ve been “haunting” your blog for new information about parenting ideas, useful information, (hubby issues) but, mostly, the entertaining stories.

Peace,
Brooke

———–

I’m not sure what you meant by the “bicycle meant for two” I don’t think I said that (but I also have a horrible memory so I might have). Although I did want to tandem nurse, after months of a horrible thrush infection with cracked and bleeding nipples I gave up when my oldest was 10 months. I miss it dearly it also the best parenting tool ever, if baby/toddler cries put a boob in their mouth and they stop. I found most ailments can be cured by the boob.

————–

No, you didn’t say that, “a bicycle built for two,” I did. You said something along those lines, two at one time; however, you used a specific word, and it started with a “T.” In other words, two breastfeeding at once, just like two people riding a bike built for two…Do you see the similarity?

MM, I don’t know about that little problem with that name. It’s being fixed, as we speak. Actually, it’s already fixed, but “they” said it would take 24 hours. I’ll explain everything in a letter. I’ve been very upset about it, and I’ve already completed my return letter, but I’m not sending it until the problem is fixed. Even though I’ve already finished the letter, I don’t like it because there was a lot that was misunderstood, in my last letter to you. The computer I’m using isn’t really our computer, and there’s more to this, but…

Anyway, somehow my message of being sexy, attractive, and looking your best got messed up with wearing makeup, and that’s NOT even close to what I was referring to. As for Karma,…well, I think you got a little taste of that, but WE all have, and that’s the reason I don’t judge. That’s not for me to do, and IF I DO THIS, judge people, Karma is going to kick me in the teeth. (There’s) more in the letter…

Peace,
Brooke

Okay, I was in a hurry, last comment, but I will try to break it down because it’s a little confusing. Karma, a part of my religion, goes: what comes around, goes around, and what goes around, comes around, and I see, from your letter to me, that you got a taste of that, regarding the crying-baby story. Also, YOU ARE THE FIRST to tell me that about my letters having that name on them. I can only express, and I know you can’t see this, how troubled I am about this. UGH! I almost started crying when you pointed that out because I’m such a perfectionist, which you know, and when things aren’t RIGHT, my heart breaks, and it just irked me. Anyway, I’m NO priss, trust what I say, and believe this! Even though I may look prissy, uh, at 5′3”, 110lbs (approximately), I can “roll” with the best of them. Just because a woman wears makeup, does not entitle her to “priss status.” Actually, I hardly wear any makeup, if you can tell by the picture. I only wear a tad of eye and lip color. That’s it. I know you said that you don’t get offended easily, and I hope that’s true because I’m hoping I don’t sound like a b!t*h. I guess I was just stunned when you thought, outloud, that I was a prissy girl. (I’m) FAR FROM IT! It really hasn’t been the best day for me, so, again, please, don’t be offended by anything I wrote that may sound as if it’s offensive. Okay? I’m sorry, in advance, if it turns out to be true, that you are offended. Oh, I’m a worrier, too. Did you notice? UGH…I can’t win for losing…SHEESH…

Peace,
BROOKE, yes, Brooke, no matter how you write it…

——————–

When I said I’m not prissy I didn’t mean that you were : ) Sorry that I upset you so. You did make it sound as if you wouldn’t be caught dead with out make-up and such. But you could also take it as a compliment.

Hope this isn’t offensive either but your right you do worry alot. Let the little things go. I don’t mind if you misspell half of everything you write or if you don’t use correct punctuation. I’m not the queen or the president being formal isn’t required.

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Oh, now wait a minute, here! I DO NOT misspell half of everything I “right”, per your spelling…LOL…Not only are my spelling-skills

————

I said I don’t CARE IF you misspell everything you write. Not that you misspell half of everything you write.

——————

Oh, that wasn’t supposed to post,…obviously, like that, but I accidentally hit the button. UGH! Anyway, not only are my spelling skills in excellent standing, but my puntuation, grammar, and sentence-structure abilities are as well. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve things in a proper manner, if that’s what is desired. I LOVE expressing myself through writing, and I love writing to express what’s in my heart. Really and truly, I excelled in my college writing courses. When I take to assuring that I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings, or offended anyone, in any way, please know I do that because I do care (about people). Something said or done on impulsive action can impact an individual in a negative way, and it can have horrific results, so I take that extra time, and care to ensure that my comments are not harmful. That’s just my way of doing things. Everyone is different, and everyone has different opinions. I just reread this post (update by popular…), and the last comment to me, and I had to reply, especially after I read it more thoroughly.

Um,…being called a priss, or calling someone prissy is NOT a compliment, to me anyway. I just don’t see this, as I did analyze it as such, (as a compliment) and got no feeling of, “hey, that was a nice thing to say..” That word just has a negative tone to it, just like the word “skinny”, or the word “fat,” and the list can keep going. There are other terms that can be used instead: thin, slender, trim, and this list goes on, and on, here, too. Do you see what I’m trying to say? Gosh, I really like communicating with you, via e-mail, and I don’t want that to end. Now that I’m getting to know you better, I’m finding that although we have similar circumstances, we are quite different in our personality styles. That’s totally okay, though because that’s life. I hope that we can still write. I’m still waiting for “that error” to be corrected. Speaking of being upset about that, I wanted to “touch” on that, too.

Yes, I do worry, a lot, but it’s a fact, so there’s nothing for me to be offended by that statement; however, what might be “a little thing” to you, may not be so “little”, to me. That being said, I don’t understand what you mean by, “Let the little things go…” What little things? Like I said, everyone has an opinion, and what’s important to “her” may not be important to “him.” Did I make sense, at all? Whether I did or not, was I offensive? If I was, I desperately apologize. There are reasons for why I do things, reasons for what’s important to me, and I would like to express that in a letter, if that’s okay. When my electronic-messaging address gets rectified, I will write to you that way, as I don’t want to post a comment like this, ever again. Um,…I’m really sorry about this, but I didn’t want this to be forgotten, and I didn’t want to use my address, as “that name” is, uh, supposed to be a sealed signature for,…ah, too hard to explain. In a nutshell, it was a private signature for someone, but that’s it…

Peace, baby face…
Brooke (I would really just like to stick to “girl talk” in our “conversations”, if that’s okay with you…) P.S. Please, write to me, by e-mail, so that we have some privacy…Thanks

Brooke Johnston (AKA Joni Brooks)

milkmama — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:13:51 +0000

Justine,

Brooke, the big b!*#h, now…

Brooke, Joni (what ever your REAL name is)

Hey how ’bout that you wrote a letter that made sense and didn’t go off topic. I guess it takes a pissed blonde bimbo to write something worth reading.

Your opinion of me doesn’t matter but calling my children ugly was wrong. The last four words of your email describe you PERFECTLY!!!

P.S. You apparently have reading comprehension difficulties too.

An update by popular demand…well one demand…lol

milkmama — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:32:02 +0000

Brooke says I should write more about my parenting style. I like talking about that but I have other things on my mind so I will seperate my children’s updates and my crazy parenting thoughts ~~with a line and underneath will be my venting.~~

I want to be the loud mother on the soccer field and even though my girls will be embarassed one day they will appreciate all I did. I have started the trend now. When we go to carnivals and such I scream, yell, wave, take pictures, and blow kisses everytime they go around. The other parents are always quiet but I want my girls to know I’m proud of them. Of course at 2 and 1 they like when mommy gets excited but I’m sure as they get older this will not be so welcome.

I try to let my daughters have as much freedom as I can and include them in everything. I kiss them every chance I get. I make up crazy songs and sing them all day long. I go in the play tunnels with my girls at McDonalds. I make up words for different things, we radomly dance, sometimes the girls will chase me around the dinning room table for 15 minutes until I’m out of breath. In the summer we sit in the car (its parked and in the drive way…for those who might be concerned) and I let the girls pretend to drive. I’m working on giving the girls chores. For example the baby throws her own diapers in the trash and they both help pick up their toys.

This one always seems to get everyone’s underwear in a bunch but its my blog and my opinion so I’ll say it. If you CAN breastfeed and you don’t then you are not doing whats best for your child. And someone who doesn’t do whats best for her baby (if it is within her means) is a bad parent. Now lets go back to the if you can breastfeed part, less than 1% of women truly cannot breastfeed. I’m sure that number is more if you count those on contradicting medcines but I take anit-rejection meds and I breastfed two preemies. And with that said not only should you breastfeed but you need to do it for a year. I get sick when I see formula fed babies, not only are they not doing what is best for their child but their child is more likely to get sick and then more likely to make my breastfed child sick.

Vaccines, My oldest is partially vaxed and my youngest has never had one. Not only did she never suffer any of the horrible disease but even if she did I wouldn’t take her when she was on her death bed we’d get treatment early and then she would have a mercury free natural immunity. Contrary to popular belief vaccines are NOT mercury free, they are still made with it and it is then filtered out. If the level is below a certain amount the government allows the vaccine to be labeled mercury free. Not only that the shots are made with many other toxic substances that humans shouldn’t have in their body. Some of you may not know this tid bit of info either but one of the shots (MMR I believe) was made from an aborted fetus. I guess that is okay if your are pro-choice but us pro-lifers out there could be supporting abortion with out even knowing. Now I leave you with this last piece of information. I NEVER suggest that someone not vaccinate their child. The diseases your child can get are scary and they can die. But I do encourage others to research it.

CIO, or crying it out as it is commonly known. Babies need attention and for someone to think that they should only cry when the need fed or changed is an idiot. This can be detrimental to very young babies. I do find that CIO does have its place in parenting, if you find your self getting angry, frustrated, or any bad thoughts you should let your baby cry. One night of crying will not have the lasting effect of shaken baby syndrome.

Nursing in public, yes of course I nurse my toddler in public, uncovered but still discreetly. Of course if someone is going to gauk at me then they probably will see something but the normal passerby would never notice and would probably think I was cuddling my baby. I don’t see anything wrong with using a cover if that makes you more comfortable. But I do think it is utterly disgusting to nurse in a bathroom. YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!

I don’t co-sleep but if I could I would. I cannot sleep with my children in my bed. They kick and hit and I never get to sleep but I do think if you can co-sleep that it is one of the best things you can do for your child.

Schedule feeding, or Ezzo’s method of parenting. I encourage you too look up Ezzo if you are thinking of trying his methods of parenting. He encourages CIO and Schedule feeding which is linked to failure to thrive. Not only that but he has a bad record, he was ex-communicated from a church and doesn’t speak with a few of his children. Babywise is the non-secular version of his book Growing kids God’s way. The only difference between the two is the references to God are taken out and he has an actual doctor as the co-author but none of the pertinent info from the secular book was changed.

————————————————————————————————————————–

ERASED….I HAVE A FEELING SOMEONE FROM MY REAL LIFE IS STALKING ME (AND I DON’T MEAN MY HUSBAND).

An update…

milkmama — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 14:55:15 +0000

I love my oldest but I think at the age of two she has learned how to be a smart ass. Everytime I tell her something she doesn’t want to hear she says “Huh?” and she will repeat it untill I yell and then in a sweet little toddler voice she says “Okay Mommy” Man she is good, nothing makes you feel more like a mean mommy than when you see those sad little pouty eyes and that puckered lip. Yesterday she decided it was her birthday, I had to call her dad to buy her a present and then of course we couldn’t forget her sister. And then she informed me I had to make a birthday cake. It ended up being bed time before she got to eat it and she has already reminded me this morning of wanting it so, I had better get to it before she flips out.

The little one is growing so fast. She is starting to put words together. I get the feeling that she is smarter than she can express with words sometimes. For example; if I play fight with my husband or any of my friends she cries and tries to stop them. One day Rob tried to sit on my head and the baby lunged on me to save me. I never felt so loved in my life.

I had a dream the other night. I was in my kitchen and I moved the trash can and I find a tiny owl, he couldn’t have been more than two inches big. He didn’t run from me or anything. Rob gave me a small plastic cage to put him in. For some reason I decided to take him in the shower with me. After my shower I forgot about him and when I came back he was dead. I looked up a dream interpretation and this is what it said;

“The owl is a symbol of wisdom, seriousness and thoughtfulness. Dreaming of an owl in the dream means that your judgement of a personal situation or a person was correct. It also could mean that some vague matter became much clearer. Seeing an owl in the dream may also mean that you should take good advice from others. Hearing an owl screeching denotes bad luck, frustration, grief or sadness. Catching an owl or seeing an owl in the cage means that you should be careful of weird people and bad company.”

About to get a little personal…

milkmama — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:55:17 +0000

At what point in a marriage is it time to call it quits? When the abuse starts? When it (the abuse) ironically has almost ended and yet you still feel this pulling urge to leave? What a rough point I am in my life. I don’t love my husband. I care about him greatly and I never wish harm on him. But I want to be happy and in love, even if it takes me years to find, if I can just have it someday, instead of being stuck in the same old realtionship that never gets better just different.

I honestly can’t remember the first time my husband hit me. He never left horrible bruises just pushed me here and there. Once while I was pregnant and caused me to fall, skin my knee and elbow. Am I just being pathetic? I know for sure that the nasty things he says to me are uncalled for. But at what point in physical abuse is it time to leave? Not that that question even matters as he hasn’t hit me in a few months.

At what point in verbal, mental, and emotional abuse is it time to call it quits? April of last year I left Rob, he was just wild with rage and uncontrollable. I went to a womens shelter for a day and then stayed with my mom for almost a week. I was so set on not coming home untill I was sure he had changed but my step-dad started making comments and I didn’t want to make things harder for my mom. So I went home, I didn’t want to but I did. During the timew while I was gone Rob did everything he could to make my life harder. We have an SUV and a Cavalier (two door UGH) and I never take the cavalier especially when I have the kids. He forced me to take the car with both of the girls, then he knew that I really like the internet on my phone so he turned it off hours after I left. Called the cell phone company and made it so I couldn’t make any changes to the plan. And after all that hatred and seeing how he didn’t want me to have the slightest bit of happiness in my life, I quit loving him. When I came home I thought it would come back but it just never did. I don’t hate him, I just don’t love him any more.

When I was on my trip, Rob gave me another preview of how I would be treated when I leave. I recieved at least 50 text messages. A few of my favorites were; You are far from a Christian, at least I don’t believe in divorce, The house has been on 67 degrees since you left and when you come back if you turn it up I’m not paying the bill. I’m laying down the law, I called Nissan they are coming to repo your Pathfinder next week.

Two people gave me money for my trip because they knew Rob was not going to give me any. And I really appreciated that and thanked them immensly but with all our financial trouble do you know what Rob did while I was gone. He gambled and lost $100 dollars. For someone who is making our car payment late thinks its okay to go and waste money on gabling, what an idiot.

And this leads me to the bankruptcy talk. I have to hear about it at least once a day. I don’t want to file because if I ever get to leave Rob I need all the credit I have to take care of my children and myself.

Other than all that my trip was okay. The friend I went to see ended up in the hospital and I spent almost all of my vacay with her girls father. He was odd but I didn’t mind.

A post before I leave…

milkmama — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 17:26:55 +0000

I’m leaving for my trip monday morning. If any of my readers would like to, prayers for a safe and enjoyable trip would be appreciated.

Things here are okay. I don’t talk about my trip to my hubby because he is still convinced I’m not going. Little does he know the kids things are already packed. I need to finish up so I will have to end this short post. But I will be back in a week a post an update.

I’m a little annoyed..

milkmama — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 19:09:52 +0000

So I have this friend who left is only long term relationship found another woman in a bar, got engaged to her the next month, and married her 4 months after that and is now having a baby with her. He knew I was trying to concieve and about some of my relationship problems and had the nerve to tell me that he can’t understand why I could possibly want another baby when my marriage is so bad. But his wife smokes (and is pregnant) and has no intentions on breastfeeding because she just doesn’t want to. And I’d just like to call her a dumb bitch. Glad to get that off my chest. He shouldn’t chastise me when I do everything I can that is in the best intrest of my children when his wife does nothing for their unborn baby. She’s only 11-12 weeks along and already has high blood pressure. Which she could probably control a little better if she lost a few pounds but she won’t. The thing I don’t get is she quit smoking with her first daughter but not this child. And my friend says that her doctor said “not to worry about smoking that, stress is much harder on the baby”.

This friend I’m talking about is the type that dominates any conversation and is sorta draining to talk to. He is however helpful and kind other wise I couldn’t be friends with him. You can’t tell him anything. His constantly complained about his previous girlfriend whom he dated for years. She had cheated on him and there were rumors that she had gone and had abortions behind his back because she didn’t know who the father was. And he never listened to me then anytime then. And now when he calls to complain about his wife I’m sick of it. I told him last night your all talk. You say this is wrong and that is wrong but you don’t do anything about it. Don’t expect anything to change if you don’t do anything about i

Okay I’m done with my rant thanks for reading.

Check it out

milkmama — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:25:44 +0000

I finished the About me page check it out