Category Archive
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Quick Update
I left my husband things are so difficult but I know they are going to get better. My God there are only a few more things that can go wrong and if they do I think I’ll lose it.
Hopefully I’ll feel more comfortable writing again. After Brooke I”m not sure I want to blog much. No need for anyone to make my life more difficult. I have enough problems.
This got a bit lost in the mix…
This a copy of the post before my last one. It some how has gotten lost in the mix so I’m reposting it so others can understand why I think you should be careful when talking to Brooke (Joni…who ever)
The whole story….
Her writing is in black mine is purple. I tried to seperate and use chornological order as best I could.
Greetings,
Wow, I can’t believe what I’ve just read. I’m new to commenting, and I’ve only been posting a few blogs, about four, regarding TTC because…well, let just say that we have an ENORMOUS amount in common, so much that it’s crazy. I only came to this address on a hunch. because I have read some of the comments you have left on other blogs, I wanted to read your situation, and how you relate to “stuff.”
Well, I’m going to post this, but I would like to communicate much more with you. Your “comment box” is different, and I don’t want to write anymore, and just have it “deleted” because I’m ignorant to this format. So, with that, I’m going to go, but I will, most likely, be back. I just want to say that reading the few entries of your blog made me feel NORMAL. I’m going through A LOT of crap right now, and I’m feeling all alone “to boot”. Thanks for sharing…
Brooke
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okay, testing, testing…LOL…it worked, but my avatar isn’t there. Hmmm,…I wonder why….Is it because it’s going through moderation? I guess I’ll find out…I wish I had more time to research your blog in its entirity, (sp?) but maybe when I’m finished with my chores, I can come back to it.
Brooke, again…
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Brooke- I hope for your sake that we do not have some things in common, as I do not wish my troubles on anyone else. We aren’t TTC anymore : ( As much as I want another child, I thought long and hard and decided that it would be better if I waited. I’m trying to keep myself content with the two I have. I know I’m lucky because of them. I did email mail you. I’m sorry that my comment box seems odd to you. I’m pretty new to word press and couldn’t find a very helpful FAQ so I basically winged everything.
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I really like that you enjoy your children, and that you engage in pretend time with them. The celebration of the birthday thing was something I would have done; although, my son, my only child thus far, the absolute love of my life, is older, and we, quite obviously, don’t do stuff like that, anymore. He’s too old for that stuff, but not because I SAY SO, it’s because “it’s just not cool, anymore.” You know, stuff like that, but, I must say, and maybe even “toot my own horn”, I was THAT KIND OF PARENT, and I’m glad, grateful, and regretless for this. I was, and am a good mother. I was a good mommy when it was appropriate for him to call me that, but those days are gone. I’m sad about it because people always told me, “the years go by so fast, enjoy him,” and even though, of course, I DID thoroughly enjoy him, I mean, to the fullest, and I appreciated every second of our time together, I NEVER, in my wildest dreams thought there would be a day that…*sigh* I’m sure you get the picture, and I’m certain you’re wondering why the long post, too.
I guess I just wanted to express that I love a lot of your mothering skills, from what I read, but there’s one thing I noticed about young mothers. My sister, my older sister was my teacher, unwittingly, when it came to raising children. In short, she allowed things that I thought were good, right, and decent, but there were others that I knew wrong just WRONG-O. My niece-by-law has this same “attribute”, and I absolutely HATE it. Okay, well, first, let me explain. My sister’s kids are ALL grown, and my great nieces, the daughters of my niece-by-law are still little, five, and two. Now that I have that established, I’ll explain the plight. You see, my sister always wanted her kids to SPEAK UP for themselves, something we all want our children to do. Right? We don’t want them to get “backed into a corner” with no “fighting” skills. Well, in doing this, raising her kids, especially her girls, two boys, two girls, by the way, she (sis) got confused, and let her kids SMART OFF to anyone, and everyone. It was dispicable, to say the least! I would try, and talk to sis regarding this dilemna. She always had the same explaination, “I want my kids to stand up for themselves!” I understand, but, “Sis, you’re getting ’standing up for yourself’ and letting your kids get cocky with adults confused.” I also expressed, “Noone likes a snotty kid, PERIOD!” Well, in a nutshell, now that they’re grown, they, the kids themselves, wonder why “mom” let them speak this way to adults. They are ashamed of how they got to behave as children; moreover, they have low self-esteems because of this. You see, everyone remembers them as “the bratty, little kids,” and they know about this because the people who knew them as children, tell them that is how they still think of them. There was a reason I told you this story; however, I’m unsure if I can explain it, or if I understand the reason myself. Anyway, I hope it was useful, as well as entertaining.
Keep Up The Good Work,
Brooke
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(To cut to the chase…LOL…see paragraph three, #3, and beyond…)
I just want you to know that I’m thinking of you, and that I would like a sincere Cyber friendship because we do have a lot in common. I hope what I wrote was received well. I never know how fragile people are, and my intentions are NEVER to hurt anyone, in anyway.
Because I’m also a hypochondriac, I thought that this was a long time, and that I SHOULD’VE gotten pregnant much sooner. By the way, I’m NOT bragging about getting pregnant that soon, but… 
Okay, to sum things up, I’ll just tell you that when November came around, THE month I was to get pregnant, I decided…NO WAY…
(sniff, sniff) because I couldn’t do that to an innocent baby. I couldn’t bring a baby into an unhappy home, and I’m SO glad that I didn’t get pregnant because it…it just wasn’t right…On the bright side though, I have another plan in the works, but more on that later…
I’m going to drop this subject, for now. UGH!
My third and final question for the evening, or until we ’speak”, again is: Do you and your husband get along well enough for you to stay together? If so, are you happy about that? I know that you’re in a loveless partnership, so that CAN’T be good. I don’t think people in that situation, I included, can EVER be happy. ——————-
(Please, excuse any errors…)
Anyway, I way understand you! I’m totally in the same boat, except we’ve decided to go our separate ways, but NOT SOON. I HAVE to get my feet on the ground, first, and THAT entails getting a full-time jobby-job. 
Yes, I have to do this, and I have been applying for full-time positions for a few months, now. Last year, actually, last January to be exact, I was offered TWO jobs, in the field in which I’m trained, but I got scared…So, I bailed. I turned them down, and now, I could kick myself; however, I believe in Karma, which is sorta my religion because I know my GOD takes care of everything, and maybe my GOD knew this, that I really wasn’t ready, nor was my family. Ever since then, since last January, I still had some hope for my marriage, and I stopped looking for a job. You see though, I AM educated, to a point, and I have worked professional positions, but I’ve been a stay-at-home mommy for a SO long, and I’m scared, even though I know my skills are PRETTY much up to par. I mean, everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes, and I think employers certainly understand this, but, yeah, I totally know how you feel. I’m giving myself upto two years to get “myself together,” if you know what I mean. I NEED that much time. It’s NOT an easy process to get a career going, get money saved, get my own place, etc., etc., and I know my husband isn’t going to rush me out the door, uh, no… We’ve already discussed all of this. Like I said already, I’ve been sending out my resume for the past few months, but I have yet to receive a serious response. I, too, would love to find a guy, an opulent gentleman, (a rich guy) and totally have that happen, BUT I can make my own money, and I feel that it’s time for me to go back to work, anyway. Justine, it’s been years, so I have to because if I wait any longer, I’ll have to take some MORE classes just to keep up with my competitors. I’ve spent so much time taking college classes, etc., not to mention so much cash spent for the costs, and expenses for the courses I took. I’m not really even looking for a man, and that’s NOT the reason that we’re splitting, we just don’t belong together. At any rate, next month, if I don’t receive any job offers, I’m going to a temporary service. I’ve worked for them in the past, and, I must say, they’ve served my VERY WELL. I obtained TOTALLY professional jobs, and there are options to become permanent. I’m sure you know of them. You being so young, and having children so young, you probably didn’t get a chance to get any higher education. Did you? Wait, did I read on you blog that you’re going to school, right now? Justine, I’m sure things will work out for you because you are strong, and determined. Will you work, if you split? Having two small children, work poses MANY problems. It MAY solve a monetary fix, but…I, too, NEVER wanted to work while raising my children, and luckily, I really didn’t have to do this, thank GOD! I don’t see why women have children, the most precious gift of ALL, and then go to work, and put them in daycare! UGH! (I) don’t get this. Why, why, why would someone do this? By the way, I’m just stating my opinion. I really don’t want to judge ANYONE because I am noone to judge. Maybe these people need the money to support their kids because they have a mulitracial family, and they want to adopt more (children). Who knows? I’m just thinking of a scenerio that would make working necessary for a woman who has small children. I know you don’t want pity, and I DO know what illness is all about, as I, myself, have something quite YUCKY, too. I won’t divulge information regarding this because it was and is very traumatic for me to think about, or discuss. I don’t want to dig up memories, or even just talk….Anyway, I WILL google it, your illness, as I am interested in it, and, even though I do have more questions about it, I’m afraid to ask you. I’ll just find out for myself. 
I know that it can be a cartoon, or an image you find that suits your personality. Did you really think that it was just an image I chose, or did you know that it was a thumbnail picture of me? I don’t think it’s that great, nor does my family. Justine, you’re very pretty, too, from what I can see, and you seem like a natural pretty, a small-town girl pretty, if that makes sense. I love your blue eyes. They REALLY “pop!” Do your girls have blue eyes, too? I can’t really tell. I must read your next letter, and then I have to leave, but I will “touch base” with you tomorrow, while “the boy” is at school. I re-read my post and I think I realize why you told me that story. I did make my two year sound like she smarted-off often. I always try to instill respect for elders in her by making her apologize for things she says and does even if she doesn’t understand why. We do time-out and after her punishment is over I remind her why she was put in the corner in the first place.
With all that said as a child I felt too restricted so as a teenager I rebelled. So with that reasoning I let my children have as much freedom as I can let them have. For example; play pens were used only for sleeping not to cage my kids, Gates are used sparingly, all the safe cabinets are not child proofed so that the kids can explore and make messes if they want. I try to give them choices when possible and please them reasonably. But then there are times when mommy can’t please and the gates go up. I hope that by letting them have freedom most of the time that they will understand the times when they can’t get what they want.
I saw your post on EvilClomid. I think tattoos in the most part are dumb. Although if I would have gotten one a couple years ago if I had the money or some encouragement. But I am SO GLAD that I didn’t. I do find an incredible exception and that is your childrens names or someone dear to you who has passed. I feel that tattoo’s like that would never be regretted. With that said I’m glad to be tattoo free. Because if I had gotten one it probably would have been a tramp stamp.
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I’m SO SORRY this has to be quick because I would SO love to communicate with you more, but I have to spend time with the love of my life, my son. Yes, it’s Friday, and weekends are especially fun for us. Anyway, I swear, the more I read about your parenting skills and other “traits”, the more I notice how much we have in common. OMGosh, I can’t believe this. I mean, the “playpen thing,” and the freedoms that we want our children to have are so similar. I’m sorry that I’m keyboarding this so fast, as I really want to express way more. Another thing, I would like to, actually, e-mail you because I would like to talk in private, and not have the “whole world” know what…, well what’s what. (Do you) know what I mean? We have that in common, as well, the parenthesis (sp?) thing, I think. I thought I had read one of your posts, and used those for the same reason I do, to ensure that the reader knows you’re making a complete sentence, and not just the particle of a sentence. I know this is just a blog, and not a writing contest, but I take pride in doing things as properly as I can. I think I’m too obsessive, though because I’m that way about most things…LOL…
MM, you know, I know that you are a young mother, very young, and I’m SO impressed with how knowledgeable you are!! Also, I’m aware of the illness you and your girls have, and I know you don’t like to talk about it. Well, there’s YET ANOTHER thing we have in common, but back to the illness in your kidneys. I just want you to know that I’m stunned, shocked, SO sad about this, and I think that you’re very, very strong, but more on this subject, later. I really have to e-mail you,…um,…but how? I’m sure I can figure it out. Right? I mean, I’m “down here”, you know, down in the comment box where I can’t see much, but you must have an address. Ah huh,…I remember, you said that you wrote to me, via e-mail. That means that I can “REPLY!” Okay, (the) problem (is) solved…LOL…Okay, one last thing before I “let you go”, I just want to say that I really hope that you’re not offended by that comment left, yesterday. I, I don’t know what to say about why I wrote it. Hey, I’m at a loss for words. Amazing! Well, I want to definitely talk with you more, if you want. I don’t want to be a cyberstalker…LOL…I want to share much more, as well as learn about you, better. I hope that’s a possibility…
Peace,
Brooke
Oh, (I want to write) somthing about tattoos. I DO agree with you about “inking” a personal, meaningful message, picture, name, etc. I have thought about doing that, and IF if ever did get one, it would be something like my son’s name, with a saying that I absolutely love. I actually have it in gold, like a charm, the “saying” I would like tattooed; HOWEVER, it would be in a hiding spot. I know, it sounds weird, but I thought of having one done on the back of my neck, or on my low, low, back. My son, who has ALWAYS had an excellent sense of humor, wants one. Yep, and I told him that he could, but he that he HAS to think about it for at least a month! Unfortunately, I can’t express how I feel about this, so all I’ll say is: MUCH, MUCH passion in the idea of my son having a tattoo…Anyway, he wants to put…well, I’ll tell you in an e-mail, but not because it’s perverted, but because it’s his thing, and I respect his privacy, even though I know it’s not original. His idea has been done before, I believe. Actually, I sure it has been…Oh, jeez, (I wrote) another book…
Peace,
Brooke
Brooke- I’m not easily offended, and I didn’t think your post was at all so. I don’t mind talking about mine or my daughters disease, I just don’t want to be one of those people who drags on about it and solicits pitty. Besides right now they are fine just on a few meds its just a waiting gam
thought your son was 7 or 8 are you really going to get him a tattoo
Peace,
Brooke
MM, (Thank you, and I LOVE it!)
I think ANY type of interaction with your children is a bonding issue, and that’s what makes WONDERFUL relationships, later in lifetime. I love your parenting style, and I love that YOU love your “job.” The better the relationship with your children when they’re young, the better it will be when they’re older. So, that being said, when children start adolescence, (sp?), they will be less likely to rebell because of this. I’ve witnessed kids, whose parents had LITTLE to do with them growing up, turn into junkies; however, I’ve also witnessed hands-on parenting, parents who had EVERYTHING to do with their children’s upbringing, and they grew into good, productive, and honest people, making an honest living. ANOTHER thing I love is that you are using your breasts for the EXACT purpose for which they were made. I LOVE that you love it, breastfeeding, and that you DON’T consider it a chore, like most women do! When I read, in one of your posts, that you wanted to be “a bicycle built for two”, so to speak, I thought that it was way cool, and a great aspiration! In other words, you wanted to breastfeed both babies, at one time, even though it didn’t “go” as planned. That is correct, isn’t it? I have questions/comments about some of the other things mentioned, but I have to get “the boy” up, and ready for the day. We’ll talk later…Thanks for sharing, as I’ve been “haunting” your blog for new information about parenting ideas, useful information, (hubby issues) but, mostly, the entertaining stories.
Peace,
Brooke
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I’m not sure what you meant by the “bicycle meant for two” I don’t think I said that (but I also have a horrible memory so I might have). Although I did want to tandem nurse, after months of a horrible thrush infection with cracked and bleeding nipples I gave up when my oldest was 10 months. I miss it dearly it also the best parenting tool ever, if baby/toddler cries put a boob in their mouth and they stop. I found most ailments can be cured by the boob.
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No, you didn’t say that, “a bicycle built for two,” I did. You said something along those lines, two at one time; however, you used a specific word, and it started with a “T.” In other words, two breastfeeding at once, just like two people riding a bike built for two…Do you see the similarity?
MM, I don’t know about that little problem with that name. It’s being fixed, as we speak. Actually, it’s already fixed, but “they” said it would take 24 hours. I’ll explain everything in a letter. I’ve been very upset about it, and I’ve already completed my return letter, but I’m not sending it until the problem is fixed. Even though I’ve already finished the letter, I don’t like it because there was a lot that was misunderstood, in my last letter to you. The computer I’m using isn’t really our computer, and there’s more to this, but…
Anyway, somehow my message of being sexy, attractive, and looking your best got messed up with wearing makeup, and that’s NOT even close to what I was referring to. As for Karma,…well, I think you got a little taste of that, but WE all have, and that’s the reason I don’t judge. That’s not for me to do, and IF I DO THIS, judge people, Karma is going to kick me in the teeth. (There’s) more in the letter…
Peace,
Brooke
Okay, I was in a hurry, last comment, but I will try to break it down because it’s a little confusing. Karma, a part of my religion, goes: what comes around, goes around, and what goes around, comes around, and I see, from your letter to me, that you got a taste of that, regarding the crying-baby story. Also, YOU ARE THE FIRST to tell me that about my letters having that name on them. I can only express, and I know you can’t see this, how troubled I am about this. UGH! I almost started crying when you pointed that out because I’m such a perfectionist, which you know, and when things aren’t RIGHT, my heart breaks, and it just irked me. Anyway, I’m NO priss, trust what I say, and believe this! Even though I may look prissy, uh, at 5′3”, 110lbs (approximately), I can “roll” with the best of them. Just because a woman wears makeup, does not entitle her to “priss status.” Actually, I hardly wear any makeup, if you can tell by the picture. I only wear a tad of eye and lip color. That’s it. I know you said that you don’t get offended easily, and I hope that’s true because I’m hoping I don’t sound like a b!t*h. I guess I was just stunned when you thought, outloud, that I was a prissy girl. (I’m) FAR FROM IT! It really hasn’t been the best day for me, so, again, please, don’t be offended by anything I wrote that may sound as if it’s offensive. Okay? I’m sorry, in advance, if it turns out to be true, that you are offended. Oh, I’m a worrier, too. Did you notice? UGH…I can’t win for losing…SHEESH…
Peace,
BROOKE, yes, Brooke, no matter how you write it…
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When I said I’m not prissy I didn’t mean that you were : ) Sorry that I upset you so. You did make it sound as if you wouldn’t be caught dead with out make-up and such. But you could also take it as a compliment.
Hope this isn’t offensive either but your right you do worry alot. Let the little things go. I don’t mind if you misspell half of everything you write or if you don’t use correct punctuation. I’m not the queen or the president being formal isn’t required.
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Oh, now wait a minute, here! I DO NOT misspell half of everything I “right”, per your spelling…LOL…Not only are my spelling-skills
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I said I don’t CARE IF you misspell everything you write. Not that you misspell half of everything you write.
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Oh, that wasn’t supposed to post,…obviously, like that, but I accidentally hit the button. UGH! Anyway, not only are my spelling skills in excellent standing, but my puntuation, grammar, and sentence-structure abilities are as well. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve things in a proper manner, if that’s what is desired. I LOVE expressing myself through writing, and I love writing to express what’s in my heart. Really and truly, I excelled in my college writing courses. When I take to assuring that I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings, or offended anyone, in any way, please know I do that because I do care (about people). Something said or done on impulsive action can impact an individual in a negative way, and it can have horrific results, so I take that extra time, and care to ensure that my comments are not harmful. That’s just my way of doing things. Everyone is different, and everyone has different opinions. I just reread this post (update by popular…), and the last comment to me, and I had to reply, especially after I read it more thoroughly.
Um,…being called a priss, or calling someone prissy is NOT a compliment, to me anyway. I just don’t see this, as I did analyze it as such, (as a compliment) and got no feeling of, “hey, that was a nice thing to say..” That word just has a negative tone to it, just like the word “skinny”, or the word “fat,” and the list can keep going. There are other terms that can be used instead: thin, slender, trim, and this list goes on, and on, here, too. Do you see what I’m trying to say? Gosh, I really like communicating with you, via e-mail, and I don’t want that to end. Now that I’m getting to know you better, I’m finding that although we have similar circumstances, we are quite different in our personality styles. That’s totally okay, though because that’s life. I hope that we can still write. I’m still waiting for “that error” to be corrected. Speaking of being upset about that, I wanted to “touch” on that, too.
Yes, I do worry, a lot, but it’s a fact, so there’s nothing for me to be offended by that statement; however, what might be “a little thing” to you, may not be so “little”, to me. That being said, I don’t understand what you mean by, “Let the little things go…” What little things? Like I said, everyone has an opinion, and what’s important to “her” may not be important to “him.” Did I make sense, at all? Whether I did or not, was I offensive? If I was, I desperately apologize. There are reasons for why I do things, reasons for what’s important to me, and I would like to express that in a letter, if that’s okay. When my electronic-messaging address gets rectified, I will write to you that way, as I don’t want to post a comment like this, ever again. Um,…I’m really sorry about this, but I didn’t want this to be forgotten, and I didn’t want to use my address, as “that name” is, uh, supposed to be a sealed signature for,…ah, too hard to explain. In a nutshell, it was a private signature for someone, but that’s it…
Peace, baby face…
Brooke (I would really just like to stick to “girl talk” in our “conversations”, if that’s okay with you…) P.S. Please, write to me, by e-mail, so that we have some privacy…Thanks
Brooke Johnston (AKA Joni Brooks)
An update by popular demand…well one demand…lol
Brooke says I should write more about my parenting style. I like talking about that but I have other things on my mind so I will seperate my children’s updates and my crazy parenting thoughts with a line and underneath will be my venting.
I want to be the loud mother on the soccer field and even though my girls will be embarassed one day they will appreciate all I did. I have started the trend now. When we go to carnivals and such I scream, yell, wave, take pictures, and blow kisses everytime they go around. The other parents are always quiet but I want my girls to know I’m proud of them. Of course at 2 and 1 they like when mommy gets excited but I’m sure as they get older this will not be so welcome.
I try to let my daughters have as much freedom as I can and include them in everything. I kiss them every chance I get. I make up crazy songs and sing them all day long. I go in the play tunnels with my girls at McDonalds. I make up words for different things, we radomly dance, sometimes the girls will chase me around the dinning room table for 15 minutes until I’m out of breath. In the summer we sit in the car (its parked and in the drive way…for those who might be concerned) and I let the girls pretend to drive. I’m working on giving the girls chores. For example the baby throws her own diapers in the trash and they both help pick up their toys.
This one always seems to get everyone’s underwear in a bunch but its my blog and my opinion so I’ll say it. If you CAN breastfeed and you don’t then you are not doing whats best for your child. And someone who doesn’t do whats best for her baby (if it is within her means) is a bad parent. Now lets go back to the if you can breastfeed part, less than 1% of women truly cannot breastfeed. I’m sure that number is more if you count those on contradicting medcines but I take anit-rejection meds and I breastfed two preemies. And with that said not only should you breastfeed but you need to do it for a year. I get sick when I see formula fed babies, not only are they not doing what is best for their child but their child is more likely to get sick and then more likely to make my breastfed child sick.
Vaccines, My oldest is partially vaxed and my youngest has never had one. Not only did she never suffer any of the horrible disease but even if she did I wouldn’t take her when she was on her death bed we’d get treatment early and then she would have a mercury free natural immunity. Contrary to popular belief vaccines are NOT mercury free, they are still made with it and it is then filtered out. If the level is below a certain amount the government allows the vaccine to be labeled mercury free. Not only that the shots are made with many other toxic substances that humans shouldn’t have in their body. Some of you may not know this tid bit of info either but one of the shots (MMR I believe) was made from an aborted fetus. I guess that is okay if your are pro-choice but us pro-lifers out there could be supporting abortion with out even knowing. Now I leave you with this last piece of information. I NEVER suggest that someone not vaccinate their child. The diseases your child can get are scary and they can die. But I do encourage others to research it.
CIO, or crying it out as it is commonly known. Babies need attention and for someone to think that they should only cry when the need fed or changed is an idiot. This can be detrimental to very young babies. I do find that CIO does have its place in parenting, if you find your self getting angry, frustrated, or any bad thoughts you should let your baby cry. One night of crying will not have the lasting effect of shaken baby syndrome.
Nursing in public, yes of course I nurse my toddler in public, uncovered but still discreetly. Of course if someone is going to gauk at me then they probably will see something but the normal passerby would never notice and would probably think I was cuddling my baby. I don’t see anything wrong with using a cover if that makes you more comfortable. But I do think it is utterly disgusting to nurse in a bathroom. YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!
I don’t co-sleep but if I could I would. I cannot sleep with my children in my bed. They kick and hit and I never get to sleep but I do think if you can co-sleep that it is one of the best things you can do for your child.
Schedule feeding, or Ezzo’s method of parenting. I encourage you too look up Ezzo if you are thinking of trying his methods of parenting. He encourages CIO and Schedule feeding which is linked to failure to thrive. Not only that but he has a bad record, he was ex-communicated from a church and doesn’t speak with a few of his children. Babywise is the non-secular version of his book Growing kids God’s way. The only difference between the two is the references to God are taken out and he has an actual doctor as the co-author but none of the pertinent info from the secular book was changed.
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ERASED….I HAVE A FEELING SOMEONE FROM MY REAL LIFE IS STALKING ME (AND I DON’T MEAN MY HUSBAND).
An update…
I love my oldest but I think at the age of two she has learned how to be a smart ass. Everytime I tell her something she doesn’t want to hear she says “Huh?” and she will repeat it untill I yell and then in a sweet little toddler voice she says “Okay Mommy” Man she is good, nothing makes you feel more like a mean mommy than when you see those sad little pouty eyes and that puckered lip. Yesterday she decided it was her birthday, I had to call her dad to buy her a present and then of course we couldn’t forget her sister. And then she informed me I had to make a birthday cake. It ended up being bed time before she got to eat it and she has already reminded me this morning of wanting it so, I had better get to it before she flips out.
The little one is growing so fast. She is starting to put words together. I get the feeling that she is smarter than she can express with words sometimes. For example; if I play fight with my husband or any of my friends she cries and tries to stop them. One day Rob tried to sit on my head and the baby lunged on me to save me. I never felt so loved in my life.
I had a dream the other night. I was in my kitchen and I moved the trash can and I find a tiny owl, he couldn’t have been more than two inches big. He didn’t run from me or anything. Rob gave me a small plastic cage to put him in. For some reason I decided to take him in the shower with me. After my shower I forgot about him and when I came back he was dead. I looked up a dream interpretation and this is what it said;
“The owl is a symbol of wisdom, seriousness and thoughtfulness. Dreaming of an owl in the dream means that your judgement of a personal situation or a person was correct. It also could mean that some vague matter became much clearer. Seeing an owl in the dream may also mean that you should take good advice from others. Hearing an owl screeching denotes bad luck, frustration, grief or sadness. Catching an owl or seeing an owl in the cage means that you should be careful of weird people and bad company.”
About to get a little personal…
At what point in a marriage is it time to call it quits? When the abuse starts? When it (the abuse) ironically has almost ended and yet you still feel this pulling urge to leave? What a rough point I am in my life. I don’t love my husband. I care about him greatly and I never wish harm on him. But I want to be happy and in love, even if it takes me years to find, if I can just have it someday, instead of being stuck in the same old realtionship that never gets better just different.
I honestly can’t remember the first time my husband hit me. He never left horrible bruises just pushed me here and there. Once while I was pregnant and caused me to fall, skin my knee and elbow. Am I just being pathetic? I know for sure that the nasty things he says to me are uncalled for. But at what point in physical abuse is it time to leave? Not that that question even matters as he hasn’t hit me in a few months.
At what point in verbal, mental, and emotional abuse is it time to call it quits? April of last year I left Rob, he was just wild with rage and uncontrollable. I went to a womens shelter for a day and then stayed with my mom for almost a week. I was so set on not coming home untill I was sure he had changed but my step-dad started making comments and I didn’t want to make things harder for my mom. So I went home, I didn’t want to but I did. During the timew while I was gone Rob did everything he could to make my life harder. We have an SUV and a Cavalier (two door UGH) and I never take the cavalier especially when I have the kids. He forced me to take the car with both of the girls, then he knew that I really like the internet on my phone so he turned it off hours after I left. Called the cell phone company and made it so I couldn’t make any changes to the plan. And after all that hatred and seeing how he didn’t want me to have the slightest bit of happiness in my life, I quit loving him. When I came home I thought it would come back but it just never did. I don’t hate him, I just don’t love him any more.
When I was on my trip, Rob gave me another preview of how I would be treated when I leave. I recieved at least 50 text messages. A few of my favorites were; You are far from a Christian, at least I don’t believe in divorce, The house has been on 67 degrees since you left and when you come back if you turn it up I’m not paying the bill. I’m laying down the law, I called Nissan they are coming to repo your Pathfinder next week.
Two people gave me money for my trip because they knew Rob was not going to give me any. And I really appreciated that and thanked them immensly but with all our financial trouble do you know what Rob did while I was gone. He gambled and lost $100 dollars. For someone who is making our car payment late thinks its okay to go and waste money on gabling, what an idiot.
And this leads me to the bankruptcy talk. I have to hear about it at least once a day. I don’t want to file because if I ever get to leave Rob I need all the credit I have to take care of my children and myself.
Other than all that my trip was okay. The friend I went to see ended up in the hospital and I spent almost all of my vacay with her girls father. He was odd but I didn’t mind.
A post before I leave…
I’m leaving for my trip monday morning. If any of my readers would like to, prayers for a safe and enjoyable trip would be appreciated.
Things here are okay. I don’t talk about my trip to my hubby because he is still convinced I’m not going. Little does he know the kids things are already packed. I need to finish up so I will have to end this short post. But I will be back in a week a post an update.
I’m a little annoyed..
So I have this friend who left is only long term relationship found another woman in a bar, got engaged to her the next month, and married her 4 months after that and is now having a baby with her. He knew I was trying to concieve and about some of my relationship problems and had the nerve to tell me that he can’t understand why I could possibly want another baby when my marriage is so bad. But his wife smokes (and is pregnant) and has no intentions on breastfeeding because she just doesn’t want to. And I’d just like to call her a dumb bitch. Glad to get that off my chest. He shouldn’t chastise me when I do everything I can that is in the best intrest of my children when his wife does nothing for their unborn baby. She’s only 11-12 weeks along and already has high blood pressure. Which she could probably control a little better if she lost a few pounds but she won’t. The thing I don’t get is she quit smoking with her first daughter but not this child. And my friend says that her doctor said “not to worry about smoking that, stress is much harder on the baby”.
This friend I’m talking about is the type that dominates any conversation and is sorta draining to talk to. He is however helpful and kind other wise I couldn’t be friends with him. You can’t tell him anything. His constantly complained about his previous girlfriend whom he dated for years. She had cheated on him and there were rumors that she had gone and had abortions behind his back because she didn’t know who the father was. And he never listened to me then anytime then. And now when he calls to complain about his wife I’m sick of it. I told him last night your all talk. You say this is wrong and that is wrong but you don’t do anything about it. Don’t expect anything to change if you don’t do anything about i
Okay I’m done with my rant thanks for reading.
