About

    Lets start in the beginning. I was born 2/19/1986 a healthy 7lbs 6oz baby girl. Now fast forward 11 years. My mother takes me in for a well child visit to a brand new doctor. She is feeling my stomach and has a strange look on her face. She proceeds to tell my mother that she is not sure if she if feeling my bowels or my kidneys. So I was sent for further testing…(add your own worry grief saddness and what not)…I was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney disease. As a complication of the disease I had extremely high blood pressure and as a requirement (by my nephrologist) anyone on blood pressure meds gets an echocardiogram. That echo revealed another problem, Patent Ductus Arteriosus. So June of that year I had heart surgery to fix my PDA and that surgery caused a loss of 10% use of the 30% use I had left of my kidneys. December of that same year, I was in renal failure and put on dialysis. Both kidneys were removed and a catheter was put in. The catheter got wrapped around some organ and had to be removed and another was reinserted in its place on a few days after my first surgery. A few bouts of Peritonitis (very painful) and a couple new catheters, a hernia, and I was sick of the dialysis. So I asked my mom if we could co ahead with the transplant. After I was infection free for 6 weeks we finally had the go ahead. And on October 13, 1999 I was given a kidney by my mother.

   Things are good after my transplant so lets fast forward to May 2004. I meet the man I will eventually marry. We hit it off and in September 2004 I find out we are expecting. I was absolutely thrilled. I was told by many doctors that I would probably need fertility treatments to get pregnant and my pregnancy would be very high risk. I had no worries about passing on my kidney disease to my child because it was recessive and very unlikely that my husband would be a carrier. My big ultrasound came along and there was a bit of a problem the baby had a few cysts on her kidney. The doctors assured me that lots of babies just get simple cysts that mean nothing and that my baby is fine. April 25th, 2005 my little darling was born 5lbs 15 1/2 oz 18 inches long. Her only problem was jaundice and those few simple cysts I was told not to worry about. The months went along and we kept an eye on her kidneys the cysts would come and go but there were always some. Then 4 days after Christmas that same year I peed on a stick again and saw two lines. This time I about fainted…lol

   This baby looks good though and she doesn’t have any cysts on her kidneys. My oldest though starts developing strange syptoms and I took her to the ER. She was taken to another hospital and then life lighted from that hospital to a Childrens Hospital. She had a blood count of only 5, her kidneys were full of cysts, and her blood pressure had sky rocketed. It was official then. She had my disease. I was so heart broken. And as horrible as it is to say I couldn’t worry about the baby I was carrying inside me as my other child needed me more.

   Things go on and August 9th 2006 Rob and I got married. Later that night I started having labor pains and a bloody show. So I told him it was time to go to the hospital. Our baby girl was born the next day. She was 4 weeks early and her only problem was jaudice too.

   A little before Christmas that year I took my oldest and youngest to see a nephrologist. My oldest (Who we will call Jade) was put on more meds and we found out that my youngest (Who we will call Mia) also has cysts on her kidneys. A few months later she was put on blood pressure meds too. 

   Now I was devastated. I could handle being sick myself. I could handle one sick child. I could handle two sick children. But when my husband completely took the thought of having another baby off the table. I couldn’t bare it. My whole life I have wanted to be a mother. And I don’t want my two little ones to be my last. I cried and cried but I tried to forget about it because even if he would agree to have another I woldn’t really want it right then anyways.

   Time went on and Rob finally saw how much another baby meant to me. And he agreed to TTC. Although it was a fight for me to get him to have sex at the right time. We tried for two months. And for two months all I heard when our girls would act up is “And you want another one!!” So that coupled with our already rocky marriageis why we are no longer trying for a baby.  Still doesn’t take the hurt away of wanting another but I hope it will make it easier when Aunt Flo comes to visit. I won’t have anything to be disappointed about.

   So there is my life in a nutshell. I blog about current events of the girls and doctor appointments. Sometimes my thoughts are scattered but I do try to update every few days.